I realize that I left many of you very shocked and angry and confused at the beginning of last week. There was really no way to “soften” that message any more that I did. You can imagine the state I was in…and the fact that I could share it with you that soon was pretty amazing by itself. It’s been an exceptionally hard few days for me. I’m still not certain about a lot of things but I am feeling better every day.

The support and love and kindness so many people have shown me has been overwhelming. Thank you. This has been a hard process to begin with, but the curve ball I was thrown last week was just almost too much to handle. I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated every text, email, phone call, facebook message and message through the blog. I also appreciate those of you that reached out to my mom and dad as they needed just as much love and support as I did this week.

I have no new answers. As you can imagine, I have a lot of research to do and a lot of questions to answer. I’m not able to share a lot of the details at this time, but will definitely share them if I’m able to in the future. Right now, here’s what I do know: 1) NONE of this changes the fact that I needed the hysterectomy. This isn’t even in question at all. I had tumors and they were very large. No reason to ever question this decision. 2) I still might have been considered high risk based on my family history, medical history and the lump we were monitoring. I’m not certain of this, but it is still a possibility according to my research and discussions with professionals thus far. 3) I have now lowered my risk regardless of what it was prior to surgery. I can’t go back. I still have to finish reconstruction and make sure that I’m recovering and healing as well as I can…which means I need to lower my stress.

So I’m going to focus on the rest of reconstruction for now. I’ve got 3 more fills and surgery in October. None of this recent news changes the fact that I’ve still got these stupid tissue expanders in and I’m still in the same physical condition that I was before this news. I’ll deal with all of the details of my test results after I’ve gotten through this next surgery. I’ll keep you posted with information once I know what I can and can’t share publicly. That means that this week I will start physical therapy and next week I’ll go for another fill and blog again just as I have been doing. For now, I’m just gonna keep on keepin’ on and count down the days ’til I get these crazy expanders out.