It’s amazing how quickly life can change. Bad to good. Good to bad. Just when you think things can’t change (and change quickly), they do. Over the last 4 or so weeks, I’ve lived, what I have at times called, a nightmare. To be honest, it’s been the most challenging time of my life. I think I’ve said that a few times since I started that blog. Seems like I’ve struggled a lot more than expected and each time is tougher than the last. I’ve had times where I thought there was no way I could handle any more pain than I was experiencing…and then it’d get worse. I wish I was being overly dramatic about it. I wish I was exaggerating and taking some literary license in describing the experience, but I’m not.

Over the last few weeks I’ve had days where I don’t know how I got myself dressed. Every move that I took hurt so bad it took my breath away. Showering was hard. Driving was horrific. You don’t realize how much you use your arms and pec muscles until you’re unable to move them. There were even days when I was completely unable to use my left arm and hand. I cried almost daily. I can’t count the amount of times I called my parents crying, frustrated and at the brink of losing my mind.

Just to catch you up on what’s transpired, that damn pain clinic took 4 weeks to call me to schedule an appointment. My appointment is next Monday. I can’t believe it took this long. During my wait, I continued to try everything just to get comfortable and try to exist. Last week, I finally started getting some relief! My massage therapist has basically saved my life. I have full range of motion in my left arm. My back no longer hurts as bad as it did. My pec muscle moves. It’s a miracle. Literally. I owe her my first born (well, if that was possible I’d be a billionaire, but you get the point). My family doctor started me on Lyrica and Cymbalta for the neuropathy. It’s starting to kick in and the nerve pain has gotten a billion times better. So much better that I scheduled a fill for next Monday!!! I’m going to get back on track! Two fills and then surgery! I can’t even begin to describe how much better I feel. And OMG I can lay flat on my back now! I haven’t done that since before surgery.

Because I’ve spent an unusual amount of time in bed surfing the internet, I have learned that because of the post op hematoma that I had, I was more prone to a condition that’s called Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome (PMPS). For those of you thinking about surgery or going through it now, please please please learn from this. If you have a hematoma after surgery, keep an eye on your pain early on in the process. Begin seeing a massage therapist regularly (even if you’re not in pain) EARLY in your recovery. Let them help you before it begins to happen. If you begin to notice that your pec muscle is not relaxing. You have shooting pain down your arm and through your back. Don’t wait. Get to a trained massage therapist quickly and speak up to your doctor. Recognize the signs so that you don’t get to the point that I was at. I wish I had known that this could happen.  

So now that I’m getting my life back and no longer living in my bed with ice on my chest and heat on my back….I am working on a blog post that I’ve been slowly writing for a few weeks. It’s about one of the most important topics regarding breast reconstruction….bras. Bras. Friend or foe? I’m compiling a list of bras that I’ve worn over the last few months to showcase not only the ones that were comfortable and functional, but also the ones that I battled with – all in the name of fashion. I hope to post it this week. You’ll see it soon!

Thank you to EVERYONE that’s reached out to me for encouragement over the last few weeks. You’ve had the right words for me at all the right times. You’ve kept me encouraged and comforted. I am still battling this, but so thankful to get a break from the bitch that is expander pain. And I will update you after my fill next week and after my visit to the pain clinic.

700 (cc) club here I come!