Genes, Boobies and Other Accessories

Starting my count down to surgery numero tres. I hope this is the last one….for a long while. While I wait, I’m house-hunting, car shopping for the kiddo and working a little too much. I am thankful that at some point I won’t have to plan work projects and house projects around surgery. Until then, I’m going to do what I can to get things in order so that I can be out of commission again for two weeks…with only one drain this time. Woot Woot!

When I went to the doctor this week I showed him my left side and we commenced with what seems like such a normal conversation to me, but probably sounds crazy to anyone else. Here’s my recap:

Me: Do I have to wait 2 more months or can you just fix it now? See how much it’s fallen? (as I remove my gown)

Doc: What is it you always say? Holy crap balls?! Yeah. It’s fallen. We need to fix it. 

Me: Ya think?! Can we do it now?

Doc: I’ll submit it to your insurance and we’ll get you in within the next 4 weeks. Is it bigger than the other one too? (as he pushes it up and puts his glasses on)

Me: I think it’s just the way it’s laying. Sometimes I just have to move it around to get it out of my armpit. 

Doc: That’s weird.

Me: Whaaat? You’re weird. Please fix it. 

Doc: I will do my best. (insert overly confident and egotistical laugh here) You’ll be happy after this last surgery – I promise. You seem to be doing well since you’ve been such a smart ass. You’ll survive a few more weeks and we’ll get you taken care of…

I know I’ve said this before – if you’d told me a few years ago that I’d be talking about boobs this way, I’d have called you a liar and punched you in the face. As it strange as it seems, it just felt so normal to have him joke with me about it like I’d just gotten a bad hair cut. He might as well have said, “wear a hat until the mullet grows out and then we’ll give you the cut you want. It’s a little bright too, so don’t stand under florescent lights.” And how weird is that considering we’re talking about boobs?! Something that most people would never be so casual about unless they are hoe-bags or porn stars. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a billion times….there’s nothing sexual or sexy about breast reconstruction. Case and point? See conversation above.

Comments on: "Numero Tres…and counting" (3)

  1. AGREED! Hope this one is it for you!

  2. “Holy crap balls!” I love it! I’m stealing this!

  3. Hey! How are you doing?

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